Typical Tim

Super Timmy Cahill made his long awaited Everton comeback this weekend. Typically, the Australian Pele scored the winner with a trademark header.

My behaviour was also fairly predictable as I dozed off on the sofa and missed the entire match.

My pre-match preparations weren't ideal, I suppose. They began well enough with me having an afternoon nap after mowing the lawn, but ended poorly as I headed down the Golf Club and sank a few schooners of the amber nectar, rendering me useless for anything, apart from eating six bags of crisps, a sandwich and a bacon omelette, of course.

Needless to say, no sooner had I parked my fat arse in front of the telly, my eyes were shut.

I woke up, covered in crumbs, just in time to see the credits roll. Typical.