Sport Hurts!

Idealistically speaking, sport crosses boundaries and promotes health, well-being and friendship.

In a bid to expand our minuscule social circles and reduce our waistlines, we had recently joined sports clubs.

A couple a weeks ago I signed up to play Over 35's football, or soccer as they say over here. Despite not having kicked a round ball in anger for a few years, I thought it would be a good way of tapping into the local British expat community.

All Brits love footy. Even I've found myself hankering to watch it over here, whereas previously, back home, I wouldn't have bothered unless Everton were involved.

Sure enough, the first night of training proved my theory to be true - around three-quarters of the old duffers there were British. I was surprised at the numbers, I knew there were a few poms in the area but I didn't think there were this many. It was almost like being at home as they hung around in their little cliques not bothering to greet an unfamiliar face.

Over the last couple of months I've become accustomed to overwhelming Australian friendliness and it felt quite odd being largely ignored by people.

Seeing as I didn't have the distraction of finding out what people had been up to during the off season, I threw myself into the game with vigour. I didn't do too badly for an egg-chaser and almost enjoyed myself. It was nice to hear some British wit/sarcasm once again as some of the 'efforts' on goal went out for throw-ins.

Some of the 'stiff-upper lips' did show signs of wilting during the session by muttering the odd word to me and one even took the very unBritish step of introducing himself. I was beginning to think that, given time, I may be allowed to join this social elite.

Such thoughts were banished though as I spent most of a sleepless night nursing my worn-out knees. The ground, as you'd expect for a region in drought, was bone-hard and my knees felt like they were on fire in the hours that followed.

Work, the following day, was torture and I can't remember wanting a day to end as desperately as I wanted this one to. I decided that my season was over before it had even begun and that I'd have to find other ways of making friends and keeping fit.

A possible solution came to me a couple of days into my 're-hab' - the hitherto untried sport of softball. With a name like that it can't be too dangerous surely. I rang the local team and with typical Australian friendliness we were welcomed into the fold immediately. We went down to the training session and I played, the wife played and the kids had a run too. At last, I thought, a sport that we can all take part in. They even loaned us some equipment so we could practice at home. They like a beer too, a further bonus.

The wife signed up for the ladies team and, fittingly, I joined the men's.

The girls season starts before the boys, so on Saturday we all went to cheer the wife and her team on in their opening game. It was an evenly matched game and the wife was performing adequately in the outfield. Soon, she got her turn to bat, and learnt the hard way what an inappropriately named game softball is, when she glanced a fastball straight into her grid.

The sound of the ball cannoning off her mush echoed around the ground and everyone rushed to her aid. She managed to keep her feet though and was steadied by the home-plate umpire and the opposition catcher.

As her team-mates and I approached, I had a flashback to the time when I belted my old mate Hed in the gob with a squash racket and he spat four of his front teeth out. This seemed a much harder wallop and I pictured the wife with a Joe Jordan-esque smile. Oh no! We haven't even got a dentist yet!

As it turned out it wasn't as bad as I had initially thought. Although she was a bit shaken up and played no further part in the game, all her teeth remained in her head. She has loosened her crown though and is booked into our brand new dentist this week. Additionally, she has a wicked 'fat' lip and an even wickeder 'Hitler' style bruise under her beak.

So, be warned kids, sport hurts - go hard or go home!

My Old Friend The Blues

Something extraordinary happened this week. It rained.

I reckon we've been in the region for about ten weeks and this was the first time we'd felt rain on our skin. It was lovely.

The heavens opened in a big way. It was like being at home. Everyone here is chuffed to bits and hopes there's plenty more on the way.

There is some forecast for the week ahead but it's back to hot and sunny today. Which, as we're going to a barbie later on today, is nice. Although we went to Hed's 40th birthday bash, I would consider this one today as our first 'proper' Aussie barbeque.

Having said that our hosts, Paul and Helen, are British expats, hailing from Liverpool and Wales respectively. They've been out here for fifteen years though.

Talking of home, it was great to watch some British telly after getting Austar fitted last Saturday. We had planned to go to the races after the bloke had finished installing it but we all got caught up watching old episodes of Footballers Wives, Coronation Street and Eastenders on UKTV and we spent the afternoon in front of the box. They're a bit behind the UK with the soaps but it was nice to see Annie Walker and Angie Watts back at the helm in their respective boozers!

Only joking, we're not that far behind, but Charlie Stubbs is still lording it up around the 'Street'. Enjoy it while it lasts Charlie boy!

The highlight of the weekends viewing though was definitely the Merseyside Derby. Even though the nine men of Everton were pipped by the twelve of Liverpool, it was still great to watch. Robyn was as excited as me and sat in front of the telly decked out in all her Everton regalia.

Watching the boys this far away from home was like bumping into an old mate.

And, just like feeling rain on our skin once again, it was lovely.

Bon Chance Angleterre!

A big weekend looms.

Tomorrow we're getting Austar fitted, which is the Australian version of Sky TV, so I'll be able to watch tomorrows Merseyside Derby in the comfort of my own living room. Come on you Blues!

Also tomorrow is Wodonga Races and, as it's Caulfield Cup day, it promises to be a big one. The track is only about 5kms (3 miles in old money) from our house so we're heading down. Unlike the U.K. you don't have to wear your best bib and tucker for the races - you can just rock up in your flip-flops and shorts here if you like. The forecast is for a hot day so that's what I'll be wearing.

On Saturday night we're going to a local tavern to watch the Fridge Man perform the local leg of his world record attempt of stand-up comedy performances in one week. If he's as funny as the fridges he sells he'll go down a storm.

Then the derby game, followed by an early start on Sunday to watch England take on the Springboks in the Rugby Union World Cup Final.

Despite cheering for the Wallabies in the quarter-final, I'll be hoping for an England win. In all my years watching sport I've never seen a turnaround like it. Smashed by the Boks in the group stages and written off as no-hopers at home and abroad, this team has simply refused to die.

They've even managed to win the begrudging respect of pommie-basher extraordinaire David Campese. He's been in the press over here saying that if the Wallabies and the All Blacks had half the guts and determination that England had then they'd be untouchable. He did bombastically add that an England win would be a disaster for the code and ranted about how much he detests their 'kick and rumble' style of play. The man is an idiot though and has deservedly eaten more than his fair share of humble pie in the past.

I hope he gets another large slice this Sunday morning at around seven o'clock local time.

Golden Globe

Unfortunately the take-over bid on the company I was working for was unsuccessful.

The good news is I've secured three weeks work with a very reputable, local electrical company.

For the last week and a bit I've been giving people advice on energy saving practices and installing energy efficient light bulbs, or 'globes' as they're known here, and water saving shower heads into peoples homes.

It's been a very enjoyable and profitable week. I've met some great people in the area and the whole episode, getting laid off aside, has been a very positive experience.